The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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