He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
