I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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