Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
