it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
