Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
