were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
