Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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