Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
