Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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