Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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