I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
