Porn is love you can see.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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