We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
