I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
