so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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