apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
