is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
