i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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