either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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