K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Plan B is the new Plan A
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
