Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
