If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
