He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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