The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
