Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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