She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
