we made out on top of his cat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
