She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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