There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
