I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
