Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
