Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
