we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
