No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
