Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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