the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
