you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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