She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
