I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
