12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
