It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
