Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
