you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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