i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
