I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
