he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
