Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm both gender and math confused
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
