I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
