there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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